...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
