i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
