yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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