Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
