U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
