wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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