Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
