You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
