Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
