I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize