Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You're like the curious george of whores
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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