I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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