The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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