So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
