the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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