I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
