I'm drive I can fine osifer
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I feel like a drive thru vagina
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