Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
