is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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