She is in my trunk
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
