okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
