i wish there were pregnant emoticons
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
