3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Randomize
