Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
