I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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