it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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