I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
