I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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