I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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