I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
