i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
