Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
