I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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