I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
