Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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