'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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