I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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