i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
