Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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