Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
