I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
