Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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