He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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