So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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