sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
