i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
