we're blogging at a bar
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
