did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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