At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
