so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
