Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
