she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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