she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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