Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
