i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Are we still banned from the library?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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