they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
