wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Randomize
