So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
do herpes really smell.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
