i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
