i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
