Who wears a wallet chain?!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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