Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
