He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize