i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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