lets start a swedish sibling band together
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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