I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
There r osticjed everywhere
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
