I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
