And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he was CRYING into my vagina
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
