Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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