i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
