she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize