3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize