One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
