ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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