I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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