he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Randomize
