Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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