A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
