My underwear smells like fireworks.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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