You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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