Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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