My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
organizing the empties. That sober.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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