The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
