maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
