So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
