i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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