Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Operation Purity has been aborted
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
