and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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