I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
porn star boner night. come get it.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
