fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
