woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
