You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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