maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
