Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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