The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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